i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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