I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
