I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
