I don't think brook has ever known best
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
