4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
