sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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