i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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