I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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