apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Who died my cat blue again?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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