I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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