WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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