drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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