masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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