guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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