They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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