Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
