You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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