Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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