just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
