Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
