thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
