I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
