Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
