Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
