dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
sex in a hospital.. check
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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