hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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