Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
