Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
