I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
