i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
