you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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