the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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