it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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