I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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