We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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