Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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