I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
