I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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