i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
false alarm, still single
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
