Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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