My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
