Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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