Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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