I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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