I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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