my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
