you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
