need another drink. this is the easiest way
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
