I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
