So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
