This is not my ceiling
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
