Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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