just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
