You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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