tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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