she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
