i think my mom watched the whole time
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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