Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
