i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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